as seen on Huffington Post
by Bitchless Bride
Straightforward, Foul-Mouthed Wedding Planner Emeritus
My name is Bitchless Bride, and I was not excited for my wedding. Well, until I made some major adjustments to the wedding plans. Ultimately, my hus and I decided to elope, and no, that's not what I'm suggesting for you, bridey, I'm simply saying that perhaps you need to make some adjustments of your own if you're not excited for your wedding. And, sometimes those adjustments are mental, and sometimes they're actual. But, if you're not excited for your wedding, then take a step back and get to the bottom of it before you're stuck with enormous financial responsibility and subsequently, regret.
Planning a wedding is exciting, right? RIGHT? But, it's also a ton of work... It's basically another full-time job. So, it's no wonder that some of you aren't excited. You're busting your ass with all of the details and sh*t still doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because there is so much f*cking pressure for a wedding day to be perfect or maybe it's because you're drowning in debt, (or both) but, bridey, if you're not excited, you're not alone. Trust me, there are a considerable number of brides who are not excited for their wedding day. Why? Well, in my experience, I blame it on the three P's: Pressure, precedence and perfection.
Pressure. It's brutal. Seriously, when an entire industry, friends and family, and even strangers tell you that your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your entire life, that's f*cking stressful. It adds oodles of pressure on you for that one day to be incomparable to all of the other days, past, present and future. I mean... How are you possibly expected to live up to such an extraordinary standard? Bridey, I know that you can see beyond that bullsh*t, right?
I've been married for like a decade, and while I look back on my wedding day as one of the best days of my life, that's all it was... ONE F*CKING DAY (which was awesome.) So, put it into perspective. Obviously, the birth of my kids is def at the top of the list (um... aside from the ridiculous pain, blood, sweat and tears...), but there have also been plenty of somewhat mundane days that have just been awesome simply because I spent it with my hus... See what I'm getting at? So, let yourself off the hook.
Precedence. This is a tough one especially if you're amongst the first of your peer group to get married. Everybody is looking at you to take the lead, and maybe you don't want the conch. Maybe you just want an intimate ceremony and small reception or maybe you want a kickass party, but no matter what you want, your wedding is going to be the measuring stick against all the rest just because you're first. Which leads to more pressure. But, you know what, bridey? Who cares!? Let it go! As long as you and your sig other are happy with your plans and your future, then f*ck the rest. Let the precedence be set, conch raised high, that you care about the marriage, not just the day. PERIOD.
Perfection. F*cking perfection. Ick. That word... I can hear one of my least favorite brides reminding me that the "centerpieces really need to 'pop', and be perfect." Perfect? REALLY? Or else what? You're not going to get married? C'mon, bridey. I agree that for the money you're dropping on flowers that they should absolutely be gorgeous, but perfect or you're going "to raise hell"? Shut the f*ck up. Why don't you spend more time examining your relationship than the flowers... Nobody is perfect, and there isn't an event or wedding in the world that has been perfect. There is always some snafu (large or small), and what needs to be perfect, is your attitude about how to handle a situation when there is a hair out of place.
Bridey, if you're not excited for your wedding, it's completely understandable. With everything we just discussed, it's not surprising. However, if you can look inward, and let go of the three P's, then perhaps you'll realize that you're anxious about the wedding day, but ecstatic about the marriage.